A Post That is NOT About Jimmer, but IS about Mattresses

(My husband is a very, very big BYU fan and completely in awe of Jimmer Fredette, and thinks I should post about him. SO not happening. I couldn't care less about that kid, I'm sure he is a nice boy, but I am not wasting a blog on some 10 yr old basketball player, not matter how good he is. Now, if he were my son, maybe, but no...sorry honey.)

So, TGH and I went mattress shopping on Saturday aftenoon (after the BYU game of course). We thought at first that we would just go to Costco and buy their set, a Sealy, for a pretty reasonable price. But, we realized, we had no way to bring it home, and no friends with pickups (don't we have any redneck friends?) We only have the 15 passenger van, which, while excellent for taking the entire population of small towns on field trips, is no good for furniture bigger than  about 4 ft wide. Now, to be fair, TGH would love for us to have a twin bed to share, and it would fit in the van....it would probably fit in the Toyota... He is a cuddler. I dream of a California King...we've comprised at Queen.


TGH is also a very serious comparison shopper. Sometimes, we've spent so much time comparing, that we never actually get to the part where we buy the thing we are comparing. Not this time. I am determined to buy a mattress with our tax refund.

Alright, just a minute, we are having some technical difficulties...TGH is here, and he is taking offense to the G' in his pseudonym. I told him it meant 'Gorgeous', but in truth, it means 'Graying'...which he has figured out and now does not want to be associated with my blog. How sad would it be if my own husband didn't follow my blog??

So, here it is, TGH's real name: BLAIR. There it is, his real name, out there for anyone to see. His name is actually the second thing I liked best about him, right after his nose...he has the best nose....


Back to the story...um....what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the mattress. I remember! We drove over to a furniture/mattress store here in town and laid on one of the mattresses lined up for this purpose. (Lied on one? No, that makes me sound like a fibber) The salesmen said we would only get confused if we laid on more...and he said the mattress had a 10 yr guarantee, $50 delivery, AND if we tried to return it, there would be $200 fee, because the government is really cracking down on used mattress trafficking. OOOOKAAAAY....

Next store #3, just a hop, skip and a jump away. It really was next door, we just walked over. It is a local business, owned and operated by a family. I have actually bought mattresses there in the past, for the kids. The owner/salesman encouraged us to lie down on several different selections, and offered us free delivery and a 'previous customer' discount. Nice!

(It did feel a little weird to be laying, er, lying...um...hmmm....to be flat on my back on a mattress, next to my husband, BLAIR, who was having fun making double entendres, in the store. Just a titch. Lol, I guess it would have been weirder to be lying next to someone else's husband in a mattress store, which, coincidentally, is what BLAIR did at the next store...)

So, we got this guy's card, and went to store #4. A BIG furniture store where you can buy anything for your home, including flooring, and the strangest looking centerpiece for a dining table I have ever seen. It seriously looked like something you scraped off the forest floor, put on a bluish metal plate and stuck a fake rodent/cat/thing in the middle of. $199.00. No kidding. I fight to keep that kind of crap OFF of the kitchen table, but, hey, that's just me. Apparently.

We were immediately assaulted by a salesman who confidently assured us he could find our mattress. We gave him the brush-off and, I'm not kidding, he totally stared right at us the whole time we were in there. I tried giving him a dirty look, but he was very serious about his whole Jedi-buy-a-mattress-mind-thing, and my piddly look had no effect. We tried out a few of the mattresses, and this is the part where BLAIR and another guy both laid down on the same mattress at the same time. I said, "Get out of bed with that man." And the guy said, "It's ok, he can stay." Um, no he can't. Jedi-salesman finally decided he'd penetrated our minds, and jogged over to see how we were doing. We carefully took back control of our brains, and beat a hasty retreat.

Back to store #3, where we took a few more minutes to lay/lie on our first choice for a few more awkward moments and then made the purchase, which will be delivered, free of charge on Friday. AND if we don't like it, we have 30 days to get our money back or make a trade, on our new mattress with it's 15 year warranty.

A productive day, I thought, until we got home and BLAIR said, "Wow, you were getting a little friendly there on the mattresses, don't you think?"

Him: Eyebrows waggle. Me: EYEBROWS UP.

I can assure you, I was the picture of propriety whilst mattress shopping. I should have told him the 'G' stood for Goofy:)